Curiosity DESTROYED the Spock
by BondSlave
Summary: Spock is curious about some of the memories his Captain recieved from the mind meld with his old counterpart and while on shore leave goes to New Vulcan to speak too Selek about the feelings his captain has developed for him, and his own possible feelings
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note: This idea came to me after watching Star Trek XI for perhaps the hundredth time and simply would not leave me alone, so I decided to write it down. It was first written in a notebook, and has now been edited and rewritten slightly in MWWP. So, please read, enjoy.

Curiosity DESTROYED the Spock

"It is not logical, but I cannot deny tha"

"You feel curious."

Spock deadpanned, a little more than inwardly irritated for being interrupted, by himself no less.

"Humans feel such illogical emotions such as curiosity, I however am Vulcan and do not." He demanded, dark eyes narrowing towards his older-self.

The elder Spock, who went by the name Selek, smiled faintly, something nearly unnoticeable if not for the trace of a twinkle in his dark chocolate eyes. He chuckled as he spoke.

"You are forgetting that _we _are half human." He stated simply. Spock did not, _could _not understand his older-self. How could he so blatantly show so many emotions and still call himself Vulcan? It was simply unfathomable. Selek gestured towards his younger counter part in silent urging to continue. Spock nearly sighed before continuing.

"When I melded with my captain in order to restore his memory and sanity, I witnessed, or glimpsed what you showed him when you melded with him on Delta Vega." Spock was subconsciously rubbing his hands along his thighs.

"Ah." Selek nodded, understanding, _finally_, why his counter part had come to speak with him while on a forced shore leave. "You saw the sparse few memories I shared with your Jim about my own Jim."

"And the obviously established relationship the two of you shared." Spock paused a moment. "Were you bonded with him?"

A hint of sadness and love surfaced in Spock Prime's eyes, causing the younger to shift uncomfortably. The older Vulcan's head bobbed slowly, confirming the younger's question.

"Yes, we were bonded. He was my humanity, my best friend…my T'hy'la. You cannot imagine how lonely and insignificant I feel without him. Sometimes I find myself reaching out to him through the bond. A bond that has been broken for many long years. It is illogical, but I still find myself doing it." His voice was thickened slightly and a glistening dampness had reached his eyes.

As silence over came them Spock bowed his head slightly, uncomfortable with the awkwardness that had befallen them. "I seek forgiveness Ambassador. I did not intend for my inquiry to cause you trouble of any kind. I apologize." He stated truthfully, bowing his head in respect.

The smile returned to the elder's features.

"There is nothing to forgive. I can see that you are merely curious about the memories I shared with your captain. It is understandable that you would also wish that kind of privilege. After all, it is natural to wish to understand."

Spock felt relieved at being forgiven for his thoughtless folly. "Is there anything in particular you would like to know?"

Spock remained momentarily silent as he considered his options before nodding sharply.

"Yes, were you and your captain always friends? When did the two of you meet?"

Selek was amused. He knew this was not in fact the most important question that would be asked from his counter part, but also knew that the most important was no doubt quite embarrassing. So, he decided to humor the other.

"Yes, Jim and I were friends from nearly the moment we met. When I met him, I had already served eleven years on the Enterprise under Captain Pike, and had returned to the Academy to wait out the days till I would board the Star ship again and meet an entirely new crew."

Spock lifted a hand, seeking permission to interrupt momentarily. He was acknowledged.

"Were you troubled by this change? By having to familiarize yourself with not only an entirely new crew but a new captain?"

"Yes, I was in fact a little troubled. Though back then I was to stubborn to admit it." He answered before continuing on with his story, sitting back and making himself more comfortable.

They were in the living area of Selek's home on New Vulcan, it was built in the common Vulcan style, with high ceilings, beautifully rounded arch's, glassless windows, and simple doors separating the outside world. There were no doors inside the home, which was made entirely out of hard mineral substances, with few colors save for deep mineral reds, tans and browns.

"Now spending my days at the Academy was the perfect opportunity to brush up on my studies on the Greek and Roman myths. Something that would come quite in handy later on in the future. While I studied in the library, where I spent most of my time, I would hear talk of a young, successful cadet who was training in the captaincy. Now, there were many successful cadets doing such training, but this cadet interested me. He was often referred to by odd and illogical nicknames beyond my understanding. _The stack of books with legs, Knowledge waster officer. _These nicknames were highly illogical, until I actually met this cadet." "I was sitting in the library, reading about Apollo when a shadow fell over me. I looked up, prepared to request the individual to move 5.7 inches to the his left, as not to block my reading light when I saw a tall stack of books seeming to hover in front of me. I recall being highly confused for a saw no body. I tilted my head and leaned down gazing under the table, in the most dignified manner I could to see a pair of red clad cadet legs. The nickname _The stack of books with legs _no longer seemed illogical."

"Not at all." Spock agreed. He to had sat back, making himself more relaxed. His legs were crossed and he was resting his head atop his hand. "I find the nickname quite logical."

"Indeed." Selek agreed before continuing. "I found myself quite perplexed by the cadet who was currently standing in front of me. His stack of books so high I could not see his physical being. But I found myself focusing when a voice came from the stack of books. "Excuse me, but would you mind if I studied here? Every other table is full due to the end of term exams." His voice had faltered, strained no doubt by the 70 lbs stack of books he held. "I swear I won't bother you in your studies." His voice sounded even more strained, and I could see the stack trembling slightly as his muscles struggled under the strain. I agreed, standing and relieving him of the stack, setting it down in three equal piles upon the table near the chair he would occupy. I found myself in silent wonder when I finally saw the cadet. He had full, thick dirty blond locks, fine slightly tanned skin, which was glistening with a thin layer of perspiration, warm hazel eyes that held some kind of spark and a mile that caused my heart to stutter in my abdomen."

The younger Vulcan hybrid noted the differences in his counterparts captain and his own. His captain had bright, baby blue eyes and notably brown hair. But one thing, or rather two things remained the same. Both captains had sparkling warm eyes and a smile capable of effecting even the most logical of beings. He blinked, quickly allowing his eyes to dart around while his older-self was preoccupied, wait, was he admitting that his captain effected him? Before he could give then notion to much thought the older continued. "Well, as you can imagine I belittled myself for my reaction. But I was once again distracted by the cadet. He smiled brightly. "Thanks so much! That stack was beginning to become overwhelming, I'm positive I would have dropped it soon." He said, wiping away the perspiration from his forehead with the sleeve of his red cadet uniform top.

"Your logic is quite sound." I had stated as he claimed his seat opposite myself, pulling a book towards himself and flipping it open at a seemingly random section.

"My name is James T. Kirk by the way, but my friends call me Jim." he said, introducing himself to me, smile never fading, hand out stretched in form of a human handshake. I recall eyeing his hand, marveling at how humans would 'shake-hands' as a form of greeting. The concept totally alien to me.

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance I am sure James. My name is Spock." I greeted. I could see a hint of insult and disappointment in his hazel eyes as his smile falter for just a moment before the cadet quickly regained himself.

"So, do they not have last names where you're from Mr. Spock?"

His use of Mr. puzzled and delighted me. I was puzzled for I was only three years older than him, but I was delighted by the respect he showed me.

"Spock is my last name James." I stated, and foreseeing his next quary I continued. "You would not be able to pronounce my first name. And James, let me explain why I have dismissed your earlier attempt to greet me in your native way. You see James, I am from the planet Vulcan, and Vulcan's do not touch hands with others and avoid unnecessary contact if possible."

"Why?" He had questioned, honestly looking interested. His smile was gone and he wore an expression of serious contemplation and focus.

"Because we are _touch-telepaths _James." I answered simply before returning my gaze to my own book, though finding it difficult to concentrate on the myth of Apollo."

And we continued to get to know each other from that point on. We would read and study together. I would quiz him when he asked that of me, we even began meeting on weekends. Meeting in a rechall to play chess. I can freely saw now how proud I was when Jim graduated. He was the youngest being in History to ever graduate. He was the youngest being in History to ever graduate from Star Fleet Academy early. I'll admit as well that was thrilled when I learned he would be taking over captaincy for the Enterprise."

Spock frowned, fingers pressed against his temple. "You, Ambassador are quite fortunate to have had such a beginning with your captain. As illogical as it is I find myself jealous over your good fortune."

* * *

Authors Note: This is chapter one, I hope you are interested in reading more. Review and let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: I really like this story, and I know it won't be as popular as my other two Star Trek fictions, but I think for what small amount of popularity it will get, it will be well received.

Thanks goes to: MirrorFlower and DarkWind

And pheonixkid for reviewing.

* * *

Curiosity DESTROYED the Spock 

"How did you meet your captain? If I may ask?" Selek questioned, honesty curious. He had been confused and baffled when he'd learned that this worlds Jim Kirk had been left to rot on Delta Vega, and the one who left him was his younger, alternate self. Spock gazed at his older self for a moment, coming to the conclusion that the conversation would be more fruitful and quite logical if they shared in the conversation. It would also make it easier for his older-self to understand some questions he may pose and help him receive a wholesome answer.

"Please ask, I would enjoy a give-give conversation over an illogical give-take conversation." He hummed slightly, not noticing how the unexpected sound caused the older to smile before speaking. "While at the Academy, not yet having been on a star ship or a star ship mission, I would design the simulated test called the Hibiashi-Maru,"

"Ah yes, such a test was in my time as well, though I was not in charge of it."

Spock cocked his head slightly.

"Fascinating. Well, the captain had taken it two times already, according to the simulation logs, odd seeing as no one ever attempted the test a second time. The test was designed to cause the crew to experience fear, in the likely hood of a no-win scenario."

Selek chuckled, crossing his arms in a comfortable fashion.

"Let me guess, your captain does not believe in no-win scenarios."

The younger raised his eyes to the ceiling before once again looking at the older, the most similar motion a Vulcan would use in place of the common human 'eye roll'.

"I assume your Captain, the Prime, was the same way?"

"Indeed. Please, do go on."

"Well, apparently my captain, before returning to take the test for an illogical third time, hacked my system and installed a secondary feature to the simulation. So, we met face to face for the first time at a court hearing, where I successfully got him suspended…not that, that prevented him from boarding the Enterprise."

The two Spock's continued to talk, the older glad to see the younger quite relaxed, some Vulcan manners forgotten. They continued to swap short stories about their captains, often comparing the two and pointing out their differences. But soon, the awkward silence returned, and Spock found himself struggling with the question he had wanted to ask from the beginning of their conversation, which had started 2.6 hours previously. Spock found himself unable to look up at himself, despite how illogical it seemed. He could not, _would _not. "when I melded with my captain in order to restore him, I did not only get glimpses of what you showed him, but I got feelings of love and compassion from those thoughts." Spock's ears began to turn the loveliest shade of green as his face flushed. "Would you permit me to…would you share…,share the memories of the first time you melded with your captain?"

Selek seemed to study the younger as he considered the request. But before he answered yes or no he chose to pose a question himself.

"Why does that particular memory interest you?" He questioned tilting his head to the sie slightly. Spock's blush darkened and he bowed his head, gazing at his knees.

"I knew the love and compassion came from your memories, but there was something else. Admiration, awe and a trace of infatuation." He glanced nervously upwards towards the elder. "Those feelings came from my captain, and were directed towards myself."

"Ah. So Jim has developed an infatuation with you."

"I do not know. If so, I don't know what exactly I'll do. I wish to experience what he experienced and see if that would have any type of effect. Illogical, I know."

The elder Vulcan shook his head as he stood and crossed to sit beside the younger.

"Not logical, but not illogical. Emotional."

"Emotions are illogical."

"What is the opposite of logic Spock?"

Spock blinked, surprised.

"Illogic, of course."

"Correct, not emotion." Selek lifted his bony fingers and pressed them against the proper meld points of the younger's face and closed his eyes to begin melding.

Both closed their eyes and with a surge of mental awareness white light flashed behind Spock's eyelids, and he felt his organized mental laid out and the presence of another. They were, momentarily, joined. It was an odd yet fascinating concept, being one mentally with, himself. He felt himself exhale, lowering his mental shields, permitting his counter part to wander where he wished in search of what he wished till the other was ready to share with him what he himself sought.

Selek found himself momentarily content to remain at the outer most top of his alternate-self's mind, watching as different shades of bright, blue vapors swirled about contently. He glanced down and smiled comfortably as several billowing vapors circled around him, brushing against his form. _/Will you not join me?/ _

_/I will join you./ _He reassured, moving forward, and inward. Soon the vapor gave way to a Vulcan corridor.

The halls were long and narrow, but comfortable with high arch's. Along each passage way, and on either wall were plane angular brown doors, equally separated by the precisely same measured amount of space.

Selek viewed each door in turn with amused curiosity. Yes, they were biologically and in essence the same person, but their lives and inner working were significantly different. He noted how each door had a proper title.

**Conversations and events with Nyota**

**Conversations and events with Jim**

Selek was amused to see that Jim's door appeared more used, but very tidy. It would seem his other self spent a great amount of time meditating over his times with his captain. He paused and chuckled when he came to the next door.

**Conversations and events with 'Bones' **

The door was just as used as Jim's but beneath the doors title was another sign that read: **WARNING illogical and emotional human**

_/You seem highly amused with my sorting of daily events./_

_/Quit logical, and beautifully structured. But I do find your warning and use of the good Doctor's nickname highly amusing./ _He admitted.

_/Despite our, differences and frequent argument I do consider Dr. McCoy as a good friend. It is just misfortunate that Leonard appears to suffer from xenophobia./ _A slight pulse of sadness brushed against the older Vulcan, human hybrid before proptly vanishing through a door on the opposite wall, which slammed shut and locked quickly. Selek approached the door.

This door was not pretty, dull in color, a dark title sign resting on it that read: **EMOTIONS**

Selek sighed before moving on.

Soon Selek arrived at the end of a passageway, unmarked door resting before him. Without any thought he opened the door and stepped through. He found himself in a well manicured garden, with hundreds of different species of plant life. It was relaxingly green with cheerful splashes of color scattered randomly. That, seemingly being the only random constructions of his younger-self's mind. He also found his younger self, seated upon the grass in a position similar to that of meditation. Selek took a seat in front of him. _/I'll begin transferring the memory to you, but I warn you, it is a highly emotional memory./ _He warned. The younger nodded.

_/I understand./_

* * *

Authors Note: The next chapter will be the entire memory of Spock and Jim's first melding, when they became one, for all eternity. Please review.


	3. Chapter 3

Authors Note: O.O OH my holy hell! Thank you for the reviews. Okay three over two isn't that much but OMG it made my morning! ^^ Also, besides the first tiny section, the whole of this chapter is a MEMORY!

Thanks goes to:

MirrorFlower and DarkWind

Maranni123

Pookyilicous

For reviewing!

Curiosity DESTROYED the Spock

Spock exhaled slowly again as liquid colors began to flow into his mind, forming a picture of a memory not his own. The image that filled him was that of the bridge aboard the Enterprise. He could recognize the crew of the Alpha shift, though they were not the people he knew.

A agitated and worry laidened air hung pregnant over the crew. Helmsmen Sulu kept stealing worried glances towards the young Lt. Chekov, who in turn kept glancing over his shoulder towards the communications officer.

Nyota wasn't paying attention to her station, instead she was starring intently towards the turbo lifts doors, as if willing them to open by the mere power of thought.

Spock was hunched stiffly over his station, pretending to view the scanner screen, but not really seeing it. He was distracted, worry and self loathing swirling within himself. The only outward sign of this agitation was the slight twitch of his fingers and the quick glances over his shoulder towards the Captains empty chair.

After looking at the scanners for another five minutes he straightened and crossed towards the vacant Captains chair, pressing the comm. button. "Commander Spock to transporter room. Mr. Scott update on the progress." A moment of silence followed before a thick accented voice came over the comm.

"_Mr. Scott here Commander Spock! We are prepared to transport him up on your command."_

"I will be there momentarily."

"_Aye sir."_

The comm. Went silent before Spock pressed another button.

"Dr. McCoy, meet me in the transporter room immediately."

"_Spock, what's going on?" _Despite sounding calm to most of the bridge crew, it was obvious that the doctor had picked up on his anxiety. Spock did not respond but walked quickly towards the turbo lift, entering without a backwards glance at the worried crew. Before the lift doors closed he said, "Mr. Sulu you have the con."

The ride in the turbo lift though virtually short, felt like an eternity to Spock, as illogical as he knew it was. But he couldn't help but let out an irritated sigh as the turbo lift came to a stop, the doors hardly having time to open as he pushed his way through and walked down the short hall before arriving at the transporter room. He entered swiftly, finding Mr. Scott standing ready at the transporters control panel. Spock had never been so glad to see the man before him, had never had such faith in a human being before. "Status Mr. Scott?"

"I've only locked onto one signal sir."

"Is it the captains?"

"Aye."

"The others?"

"Presumed dead sir." The Scotsmen informed as Spock walked around the control panel taking up position at the other half.

"Beam him up."

"Aye sir." Scotty said pressing several white buttons causing them to glow brightly before he pressed his fingers against the three red levers. Spock pressed several buttons as well before looking up.

"Energize." He said pressing a final button, Scotty pulling the red levers downward steadily, a humming sound filling the room as the lights on the pad began to glow and flash as it powered up and began working on transporting up the captain. A few seconds later Scotty pushed the levers up.

Upon the pad a forming figure began to materialize, molecules and particles beginning to reform. And within seconds the form grew solid and the captain collapsed, falling off the step up from the transporter pad.

"What on earth happened!" Scotty cried in total shock as the transporter pad was stained red with blood. Spock dashed around the control panel, sliding on his knees as he grabbed the captain and pulled him up into a somewhat sitting position. His eyes were wide in shock.

"Mr. Scott! Call Dr. McCoy!"

"Aye!" Scotty cried dashing to the comm. "Dr. McCoy, Dr. McCoy!"

"_Mr. Scott? What on earth,"_

Spock's head snapped towards the comm.

"I TOLD YOU TO MEET ME HERE!" He yelled, furious with the doctor who should have been there form the beginning and was not. Spock had momentarily forgotten about the doctor in fact, he had been to worried about getting the captain back on the ship that he hadn't even noticed that the doctor wasn't present.

"DOCTOR HURRY! WE NEED HELP! THE CAPTAIN'S BADLY HURT!" Scotty screamed over the comm. Though it was obvious by the sound of Nurse Chapel screaming in the background that the doctor had just ran out the door. Spock glanced around, dark red blood flooding the transporter pad, staining the floor and dampening his regulation uniform trousers. Panic filled him, it would take the doctor 3.7 minutes to reach the transporter room, even running at the average of 10 MPH to the turbo lift. Spock felt helpless as he held onto his captain. "Jim." He whispered, his heart tightening almost painfully in his abdomen. He couldn't hide his fear, he didn't even try. Jim opened his hazel eyes and blinked several times before glancing up towards Spock. A soft smile formed upon his blood stained lips.

"S-Spock? I thought I told y-you that you," He coughed roughly, his entire body shaking violently. Spock held tighter, wrapping his arms around his captain. Jim swallowed, the copper tasting blood coating his throat before he looked back up at his First Officer. "H-had the c-con?"

Spock would have laughed if he wasn't so worried, and Vulcan. How could his captain think of such things when he was flooding the transporter room with his precious life blood? Spock nodded, his hold on the captain tightening slightly. "Captain, you are being highly illogical." he stated, humoring the captain, knowing that is what was expected of him. Spock lifted the captain onto his lap a moment before looping his arms under the captains legs and shoulders before standing. He felt his heart drop slightly as blood gushed and splashed to the floor. He quickly dashed towards the door. He didn't even wish to think of the likely hood of the captains survival, it was very slim. He dashed towards the turbo lift as the doors opened and McCoy ran out. "Good God Spock what happened!" McCoy asked in total horror as Spock knelt back down setting the captain down. McCoy dropped to his knees and ripped off the captains once gold shirt. Spock felt a wave of fear, sorrow and absolute rage wash over him as he gazed at his captain.

A large six inch bloody gapping hole resting in the captains abdomen. "Oh my God." He heard the doctor breath as he tore open his medical bag. While the doctor took readings and went through hypo after hypo, the turbo lift opened again, a medical team streaming into the hall. "We need to get him to surgery!" McCoy said. Spock wished to scream as his captain was torn from his arms and rushed to the medical bay.

Spock knelt in the middle of the hall, gazing at the closed turbo lift doors blankly. He didn't move, he didn't blink, he hardly breathed as he knelt there. He was soaked in blood, his captains blood. He slowly, and steadily rose to his feet and glanced down. There was a large pool of blood glistening on the floor, a thin trail leading from the transporter room. He swallowed and gazed up blankly at the opposite wall. He didn't even register the sound of the transporter room doors opening until a hand gripped his shoulder. He blinked and glanced down at the hand before finding the owners face. It was Scotty, looking shaken and worried and in much need of a good tall glass of scotch. "Why doncha go to yar room Mr. Spock? Wait till ya get word from the Med Bay?"

Spock gazed blankly at the Scotsman for a moment before glancing away and nodding, slowly. He turned and walked slowly to the turbo lift, entering and relaying the deck he wished to go to.

* * *

As the hours ticked on Spock remained in his room. He attempted meditation, but he could not concentrate so he paced. He paced for what seemed like an eternity, hands clasped behind his back, head bowed as he gazed at the floor as he paced back and forth, back and forth, back and forth repeatedly, over and over. His black robe, the robe he wore for meditation fluttered about his bare ankles as he paced, the silver tie about his middle swinging and hitting him on the thighs as he spun sharply on his heals in order to continue his pacing in the opposite direction. After tiring himself with pacing he merely collapsed into a sitting position in the center of his room. He sighed, glancing around before his eyes were drawn towards the fine bottle resting on a shelf near his door. He stood and crossed to the shelf, pulling the bottle from the shelf and looking it over. It was a fine aged Vulcan Port Jim had given him for his birthday. Spock had stated that it was illogical to accept such a gift for he did not celebrate the date of his birth nor did he drink. But once the captain told him it would be rude not to take it with a bright smile on his face, Spock had relented, as he always did and accepted the port. He flipped open the white card that was attached to the port and read the hand scrawled note left by his captain.

_Dear Spock,_

_I hope this day is a day to remember, you don't turn 28 every day after all. I look forward to sharing the evening with you, and I hope someday you will break down and enjoy this fine Vulcan port, after all I'd hate for my long search to be in vein. You are the best first officer in Star Fleet, and the best of best friends I have ever had. _

Spock remembered pointing out the illogic behind the card. He had said how it was illogical for Jim to call him "the best of best friends I have ever had." for Dr. McCoy had been his friend longer. Jim had retorted with a wave of his hand, "Bones is more than a best friend Spock, it is something I cannot explain. I hope someday, you will be more than a best friend as well." Spock hadn't taken those words to heart for he hadn't understood them for himself back then, but now as he held onto the bottle and looked over the hand written note he felt his shields break down and bitter tears roll down his cheeks. He closed his eyes and shook his head, mentally yelling at himself for being weak, for being illogical, for being…_human_. He opened his eyes as the word flittered through his mind. He was harshly reminded by the reality of that days events that he was half human, it was a part of him, something he could not deny. He could not deny that part of himself, he needed to understand it, learn to live with it. He walked to his desk and sat down, opening the port and sniffing it. It smelled wonderful, perfectly aged and reminded him of Vulcan. He pulled a cup from a small shelf over his desk and set it down next to the bottle. Having regained his control over his emotions, he poured himself a drink. He smiled a bit bitterly. He finally understood. He understood why he felt the turning of his stomach whenever the Captain would go down with the landing party without him. Or how his heart would stutter in his abdomen whenever the Captain would flash him the brightest, biggest smile, hazel eyes sparkling as he berated him, calling him illogical, and the captain took it. He always took Spock's comments, and he always offered a bright smile or hearty chuckle in return. Spock finally understood why he reacted so around the captain, why he was reacting the way he was now. He had fallen in love with his captain. Spock had always felt that they were friends, best of friends perhaps, sharing nearly everything with each other, spending missions and off duty times together. But now he knew that he wished to be something more, even more than the more the good Dr. seemed to be. He didn't fully understand what type of status the doctor held with Jim, but he knew he wished to be more. He loved Jim, he wished to be with him forever. Spock smiled and downed the glass of port he had poured himself.

Spock blinked as a whistle sounded throughout his quarters, quickly clicking his comm. It was audio only. "Spock here." His voice sounded eager, a little over eager. An exhausted sigh came over the intercom.

"_McCoy here. Jim came through fine Spock, I swear he's got more lives than a cat." _Spock felt a flood of relief wash over him and he closed his eyes as the anxiety melted away replaced by total calm. _"He's asleep right now, but if you'd like to come down Spock, you're more than welcome. If you do, just tell me when he wakes up,"_

"Get some sleep doctor, I'll inform you if anything comes up." Spock assured before closing the intercom and standing.

* * *

After changing into his uniform Spock made his way to medical bay where he found a nurse whose name he had momentarily forgotten attending to the monitor above the bed where James T. Kirk rested. The nurse bowed her head at him before walking off to assist to other duties. Spock approached the bed and took a seat, gazing at the human.

Jim was pale and his skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat. His eyes were closed, expression peaceful. He was covered in a thin heating sheet, his readings only a little above normal due to a slight fever. Spock was pleased to see he would make a full recovery, perhaps suffer an infection or mild fevers, but he would indeed live. Spock shifted the sheet that dangled down on his side and located his captains hand, pulling it out and enveloping it in his own, running his thumb over the visible blue veins. He could sense the peacefulness that filled the captain through the physical contact. "James…" His voice was low, deep and a little rough. "Jim." He knew it was illogical to attempt communication with the unconscious, but he felt he needed to speak, even if it were only to distract himself. "Forgive me, it was due to my error that you now lay here on this bio bed. If I had paid closer attention to the report this wouldn't have happened." His voice faded out and he bowed his head.

* * *

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, or when exactly he dozed off, but he felt himself roused by gentle yet clumsy petting of his head. He opened his eyes taking a moment to gather himself. He had slumped over onto the bed, using the edge as a pillow. He lifted his head slightly, though still remained in a hunched position, his eyes meeting the heavy lidded hazel of his captain. "I will not forgive you." Jim's voice was low and horse. Spock felt his heart tighten. "Because you did nothing wrong."

Spock blinked. Jim smiled slightly.

"Jim."

"Yes Spock?"

They kept eye contact for several long moments, Jim's hand still resting atop Spock's head, until Spock remembered something.

"I…I must awaken Dr. McCoy." He pulled away, Jim's hand remaining aloft for a moment before falling back to the bed. Spock stood and located the doctor.

After a long discussion, which involved the doctor verbally abusing the captain much to Spock's irritation, Jim was released to return to his quarters for bed rest. The doctor than threatened Spock, ordering him to keep an eye on Jim when he could spare the time and to be sure the captain didn't attempt anything rash. Spock agreed before assisting his captain to done his clothes and get to his quarters.

* * *

Authors Note: The memory transference has become extremely longer than I originally planned, so it will be split into two parts. This is part one. Please review and let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors Note: Sorry about the delay, college has taken precedence in my life…unfortunately.**

**Thank you MirrorFlower and DarkWind, BlackMetalHeart and fantasmaalineal for reviewing, it means a lot.**

**Now I shall continue.**

Curiosity DESTROYED the Spock

With as much grace as he could manage, while assisting an injured and weak James T. Kirk down the hall to the turbo lift, and down deck five to his quarters, Spock did his best to keep his mask of uncaring stoicism in place, not wishing the embarrassment of permitting any of the crew they may run into to see any emotions he may have been feeling while having his captain so close to him. Now that he'd admitted to himself that he had fallen in love with his captain, he found that his reactions towards the captain had heightened one hundred fold. He could not seem to control the rate of his heart beat or the labor upon which his lungs functioned. He could feel heat fill his face and burn his ears as blood rushed upwards. He was blushing! He inwardly scolded himself as he paused near the captains door, wrapping an arm firmly around the humans middle in order to punch in the access code. As he inserted the code, he willed the blush to leave his face before the captain noticed. After all, the noticeable darker shade of green darkening the crown of his ears would be rather noticeable to anyone with eyes.

Once inside Spock helped the captain around the room divider and helped ease him down onto the bed. Jim groaned in obvious discomfort causing Spock's heart to skip a beat in worry. "Captain?" The hazel brown eyes flashed up towards him before a weak smile appeared on the sweat glistening skin of the mans face.

"Jim."

Spock frowned.

"Captain?"

"Call me Jim, Spock. I'm not on duty right now remember?"

Spock nodded before assisting the human remove his shirt and ease down onto the square mattress. Jim groaned again before sighing. "You'd think these beds could be a little more comfortable." He grumbled.

Spock ignored the complaint, instead busied himself with removing the captains shoes and socks, folding the socks neatly and tucking them away in the boots which he set aside neatly.

"Captain would you like to change into something more comfortable?"

Jim looked momentarily thoughtful before he made a face.

"Nah, I'm down, I'd hate to get up again." He said shifting slightly. It was apparent to Spock that the drugs were beginning to wear off. He would need to speak to Dr. McCoy about that. Spock stood up straighter, clasping his hands behind his back as he gazed down at his friend. His emotions of worry and affection hidden carefully behind his mask.

"If there is nothing else I can do for you cap-Jim,"

"No nothing."

"Very well, than I will report to Doctor McCoy before returning to the Bridge." He said with a curt nod of his head.

He turned, fully prepared to drag himself away from his injured captain when a hand weakling snagged at his elbow. He paused and turned partially around looking down at the hand that had snagged onto his uniform before looking at the man on the bed.

"Spock…I," He paused, releasing his light hold on the material before looking down, the faintest hint of a blush forming on his cheeks. Spock was mildly surprised he was still capable of blushing seeing as he had lost so much blood, and the tablets McCoy had given him would take at least twenty-four hours to help restore the lost blood. "Back in Med bay, when I woke you up you, you were going to say something."

Spock tilted his head, not giving away anything. Jim licked his lips. "When I told you I wasn't going to forgive you…, you were going to say something."

Spock felt the faintest hint of worry before resolving to be fully honest.

"Jim, I was unprepared for a response." He said simply, calmly. Jim blinked and frowned slightly.

"What do you mean?"

"When I asked to be forgiven Jim, you were unconscious and recovering from your surgery. There was no possible way for you to have known what I had said."

Jim's frown grew more pronounced and he sat up slightly, wincing causing Spock to unlock his hands from behind his back and inch closer to assist him in sitting up.

"But, that can't be right." Jim groaned as Spock stood up straighter once more. "I heard you ask me to forgive you."

"Illogical captain."

"Spock I heard you." He said, a worried edge to his voice. His eyes were pleading, pleading for Spock to believe him. "I'm not crazy Spock, I heard you. Clear as day. I…,I couldn't have been unconscious, I…, I must have been coming around. I mean…I heard your voice and what you said."

Spock remained silent for a moment, thinking about the events before realization dawned on him. He nodded to himself before turning his eyes to the captain fully prepared to explain.

"Captain, when I arrived in sick bay, I was highly emotionally compromised, which should be quite apparent seeing as you know that I asked to be forgiven for my poor judgment. Upon taking up post at your bedside, I took your hand captain." The faintest hints of a blush darkened the tips of Spock's ears and his cheekbones. He did his best to keep it concealed. "Being emotionally compromised I must have unintentionally lowered my shields."

Jim frowned at the explanation.

"I, I don't understand Spock. Elaborate."

"Captain, as you are aware Vulcan's are touch-telepaths. When we touch creatures and people we get brief glimpses of the thoughts at the forefront of their minds and their emotions at that moment. For a logical race, it is quite bothersome to have to deal with another persons emotions, which is why we do not enjoy physical contact with others. But despite being a logical race, we do, in fact have emotions. We are just capable of keeping them under control, filing them and processing them in a way that would be impossible for humans."

Jim, who was still a little confused cut in briefly.

"But your mother is human."

"My mother is indeed, and she is quite emotional."

"But if Vulcan's can't stand sharing emotions with others how can your father handle it?"

"My father and mother, being bonded have a special relationship Jim. They can share each others emotions in he privacy of the bond and their own home. It is not proper to discuss ones private lives Jim."

"Sorry."

Spock nodded before continuing with his explanation.

"When I asked to be forgiven, I was still holding your hand Jim. With my shields down, I no doubt let my emotions and thoughts slip over to you and into your subconscious. That would explain how you would have heard me so to speak Jim."

Jim thought it over before nodding, easing back down onto the bed.

"I see…well, at least I'm not crazy." he smiled. "I'll just blame it on my emotionally compromised First Officer." He chuckled lazily. "You must really not want to be Captain Spock."

Spock kept his mask in place. How he wished he could just tell his friend why he was emotionally compromised. He wished to explain, and apologize for taking his hand so inappropriately. He inwardly sighed, which was just the slight involuntary relaxing of muscles.

"Jim. I have a confession to make, and I must apologize."

"Oh?" Jim asked with a rise of an eyebrow. Spock had a feeling he was being mocked, but chose to ignore it.

"Captain, in sick bay, when I took your hand it was highly inappropriate, and I apologize. To elaborate captain, for me to do so, to take your hand in such a way, would be the human equivalent of a kiss." He paused. Jim said nothing. His expression didn't even change. "I apologize captain, and once I am sure you are in better health, and can once again take command of the Enterprise I will report to the brig until we can dock at a Star Base."

"Spock what are you talking about?"

"Sexual harassment is cause for court martial captain." He stated mild air of annoyance peppering his tone, after all the Captain _should _know regulations. Jim smiled, which baffled Spock slightly. The smile grew and before it could be stifled a chuckle escaped the human, the chuckle turning into what appeared to be light laughter.

"Well in that case," Jim chuckled. Spock rose one of his brows and tilted his head slightly.

"Captain, I am highly confused."

Jim beamed up at him.

"Spock, for the last time, call me Jim when I'm not on duty. Please don't make me make that an order."

Spock had the urge to point out that Jim was in no condition to actually give out orders but decided that was not the wisest course of action.

"I know that, that was a kiss Spock."

Spock's other eyebrow rose in the Vulcan equivalent of surprise. Jim chuckled again. "I spent time around your parents Spock, I picked up on the finger touch thing. I'm not stupid."

Spock blushed slightly, he'd actually forgotten how often his parents had done that while aboard the Enterprise, he had thought nothing of it, he'd seen them do it so often growing up that it was just such a normal occurrence.

"Jim, I'm sorry."

"Nonsense. It was a pleasurable experience, despite the fact I was actually unconscious for the duration of it." He smiled as he closed his eyes and shifted slightly to make himself more comfortable. "Probably the best kiss of my life and I wasn't even awake to enjoy it."

Spock blinked in surprise, gazing down at the humans face. Pink lips turned upwards slightly, breathing growing deeper as he steadily slipped into sleep, which, would logically be the best thing for him. Spock turned, but kept his eyes locked on his Captain a moment longer before turning and leaving the room.

He steadily made his way towards sick bay where he found Doctor McCoy working on something on a PADD. He glanced up and scowled. Spock was really in no mood for McCoy's prodding, still being slightly emotionally compromised. "Don't tell me he's already in trouble." The doctor grumbled in irritation. Spock shook his head.

"He is quite well for the moment Doctor, he is asleep. But before sleeping it was obvious he was in some discomfort. I came to talk about pain killers for him."

McCoy nodded eyeing the Vulcan suspiciously before turning and walking to his desk.

"I meant to give these to you before you left but must have slipped my mind." He said tossing a bottle of red and blue pills over his shoulder, which Spock easily caught. McCoy turned towards him, rubbing at his left eye. "Lack of sleep, not enough caffeine all that."

Spock nodded before thanking the doctor and heading out.

He returned to Jim's room and set the bottle of pain killers as well as a glass of water down near the captains bed. He quickly scrawled a hand written note setting it near the pain killers before leaving his sleeping captain behind. He had duties to fulfill.

(S/K)

Spock sat in the captains chair, his weight shifted towards the right slightly, resting his elbow on the arm of the chair, finger tips grazing his bottom lip as he starred blankly at the view screen, but didn't see it. He was to preoccupied with his chaotic thoughts. He had yet to meditate, thus they swirled freely and chaotically through his mind. He was a little surprised by his conversation with his captain. Jim had seemingly forgotten about Spock being a touch-telepath, which had been one of the first Vulcan facts Spock had been sure to relay to the human. Was Jim affected by the drugs? His mind hazy and unreliable? Was he playing coy? Or had he truly forgotten. Spock felt his heart sink slightly at the idea that the captain had forgotten that little tidbit of information. As illogical as it was, Spock wanted Jim to remember everything about Vulcan's, or at least everything that Spock had shared with him. The thought of being forgotten made Spock feel sad, an emotion he felt quite often in reality. He was either sad, or lonely. Those were the two emotions he spent most of his time meditating over. Also the two he had failed to concur completely. "Sir?" Spock blinked and shifted his gaze towards Chekov, who had swiveled around in his seat and was facing him with a curiously innocent look upon his youthful face.

"Yes Ensign?"

"I vas just vondering sir…is da Captane alvrite? Vill he be coming back to us soon?"

As the question was worded Spock noticed, without having to really look, that the bridge grew silent. He could sense all eyes on him. It made him feel very proud of the humans he worked with on the Enterprise, they were all so loyal to his Captain…he paused in his train of thought. His?

"Yes, the captain will be fine. He will need some time to heal and rest before retuning to the bridge, but he will in fact be returning to us."

An air of absolute relief washed over the bridge, smiles brightening many of the faces at the answer. Chekov swiveled back around and continued with his work. Spock sat back in the chair and continued to eye the open vastness of space via the view screen.

(S/K)

When Spock returned to the captains quarters after shift he was mildly surprised to find the Captain awake and sitting up in bed book in hand. He rounded the divider and was met with a smile. The other man set the book down upon his lap and looked up at him. "I was good." he stated. Spock, if he were human would have snorted. He was not stupid, he was well aware that the specific book resting upon his captains lap was stored on a shelf on the opposite side of the divider, and that the captain would have had to have gotten up and out of bed, made his way around the divider and fetched the book. He merely shook his head and pulled up a chair from the near by desk, sitting by his captains bedside table.

"Captain, I believe we need to talk."

The human sighed and rolled his eyes, lolling his head back just slightly.

"What do you want to talk about now Spock? And no more of that court martial business. It is not sexual harassment if I wanted it."

"Captain I do not intend on bringing up that subject again, I wanted to discus the fact of me being a touch telepath…." He paused a moment. "You wanted it?"

Kirk did not respond to his question.

"Yeah, I am aware that you area touch telepath, why do you bring it up?"

Spock, being slightly bothered by the fact that his question was being over looked decided not to worry to much about it.

"Captain, it seems you had forgotten that fact earlier."

"Huh?"

The two talked for hours, revisiting the scenario that took place in sick bay, Spock trying to explain his folly and Jim trying to stop him from overreacting. Despite there continual volleying of banter the two shared several enjoyable games of 3D chess.

"Your move Jim." Spock stated. The conversation had begun to die down, and a slightly thick awkward silence had began to envelope them. Jim, of course, would have none of it.

He moved his piece, not even caring where to, which irritated Spock slightly.

"Spock, listen. Don't let what happened in Med bay bother you. I am totally okay with it, I don't mind that you touched me, got a glimpse of my emotions and thoughts, and I do not mind at all, by the fact that you kissed me."

Spock just looked at him, the closets thing to sorrow reflecting upon his features, or as close as a Vulcan could show.

"Jim."

The human smiled.

"I am actually sad that I missed it. I bet it was one hell of a kiss Spock."

"Jim."

"Kiss me Spock."

He did not reply. "Please, kiss me so I can remember. It really bothers me that I can't remember it."

Spock did not reply, did not move, he didn't even breath. He saw the captains hand resting on the tray where the chess set was set up, palm up, open, inviting. He eyed the lovely appendage for a moment before leaning forward in his seat, going over the chess set and pressing his lips to his captains.

Even though the briefest touch of their lips Spock could pick up on his captains emotions. He was confused, slightly surprised and there was a flicker of wonder. He broke the kiss and sat back down. Jim was looking blankly at him, eyes wide, lips slightly parted and slightly puckered. That was obviously not the kind of kiss he had been expecting. The blond licked his lips and hummed slightly as his brows furrowed. "Not exactly what I was expecting."

Spock felt himself grow slightly panicky, until he saw his captains expression soften. "But I will not be forgetting that for a long time."

"Jim."

"You know Spock, I think I ought to tell you something." The human grew serious, lifting the tray and pushing it towards Spock, who took it and set it on the floor. "This has been bothering me for some time now and I think it is time, under the circumstances, that I tell you. Spock, I think I like you."

Spock tilted his head slightly. "Sure, I like you, we've been friends for along time, best friends even. But Spock, I think I like you more than that. When I got injured down on that planet, the only thing I could think of was you. I just wanted to see you Spock, I wanted to see your face, I wanted to be assured by your presences."

Spock remained silent as he listened to his captain. He was to shocked to speak. "I thought I was going to die Spock…and that scared me. I was so afraid that I would never be able to tell you how thankful I am that you are in my life. I don't just see you as a first officer, or best friend. I see you as a life long companion, I believe you will always be here, by my side." He paused. "Do you understand what I am trying to say?"

"T'hy'la." Spock whispered, his eyes averting from the man on the bed as he let all the new information sink in.

"What?"

He returned his gaze towards his captain.

"T'hy'la. It is an ancient Vulcan word meaning, Friend. Brother." He paused, his voice lowering slightly. "And lover." He felt his cheeks heat up slightly but not enough to show a visible blush, though he did notice a pink blush begin to shine upon the human's cheeks.

"T'ha…."

"T'hy'la."

"T'hy'la."

The word did not role off of Jim's tongue quite as eloquently, but Spock thought it was perhaps the most beautiful word the human could utter. The other nodded before the smallest of smiles adorned his lips. "I think it's perfect." He out held his hand. "Spock, please?"

"Jim…you don't know what you are asking."

"I'm asking you to accept me. I want to be more than your friend…I want to be your T'hy'la. I love you Spock, and I've loved you for a long time."

Spock felt his heart fill and seemingly overflow with affection and love for the man on the bed, it was quite overwhelming. He scooted closer, taking the humans cooler hand in his own. "I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours."

"Jim, this is not something you can take lightly, this would be eternal."

"I know…I want that."

Spock scooted to the edge of the bed, holding the others hand in his own. He leaned closer, and gently rubbing his hands along the others, pressed his lips against the others. They continued to kiss gently, fingers entwined, lips pressing softly together. Jim broke the kiss, gently kissing Spock's cheek. "Meld with me Spock."

"Jim."

"You've melded with me before…but, those times were different, they weren't, they didn't mean anything. Meld with me, I want to feel you in my mind, I want…I want to really, truly be yours."

"Jim." Spock breathed again, kissing the others cheek before sliding his free hand up to the others face. Jim copied the action. Despite the other being psy-nil, he would be able to connect with Spock's mind with assistance. Assistance Spock was all to willing to give. Spock located the proper psy-points and pressed his fingers to them. He could feel Jim's fingers fall into place on his own face, they were clumsy, like a child's. "My mind to your mind," He began, his voice low, soft and warm as he continued to speak as his mind slowly slid into Jim's, like water sliding against glass. He was careful, gentle, not trying to expand to far, but filling the other with himself slowly.

As their minds mingled, swirled and intertwined they rubbed their other hands together gently, lovingly. They could see their essences mixing, Jim's bright gold, intertwining with Spock's blue, mixing and rubbing together in swirling circles.

'_I love you Spock.'_

'_I love you to Jim. Oh, Jim…if only you knew how much I really do care.'_

'_I do Spock, I do…I can see it, and feel it all here, its all laid bare before me…its beautiful Spock. You are beautiful.'_

Their essence continued to swirl and mix until a tightly woven bond was formed. Neither of them could tell where one began and one ended, they were bound together forever, one and the same for all eternity.

They broke contact, their fingers leaving each others face and they looked at each other. Tears sparkled in Jim's eyes and his lips were parted slightly. Spock slid a finger up and brushed away a tear that fell. "Jim?"

The blond licked his lips and let out a sigh of air.

"That was intense."

Spock kissed the others temple before wrapping his arms around him.

"T'hy'la." He whispered in the others ear. Jim returned the hug sighing against Spock's shoulder.

"I love you."

(S/K)

Selek removed his fingers from his younger-self's face, breaking their connection. His younger self was slightly winded his eyes opening and blink rapidly, his pupils slightly dilated, but that was the only sign to his reaction to the emotional transference. Spock blinked and took a moment to gather himself before looking at the older Vulcan. "You truly were in love with your captain."

"Yes, and I had been for quite some time. I believe my emotions had changed from a dear and deep friendship to love for my Captain sometime during the second year of our five year mission."

Spock looked away, eyeing some unidentifiable spot on the floor. Selek eyed him closely, reading him like a book. The faintest of smiles graced the elders face, he knew what the other was thinking. "You would like to experience such an emotion would you Spock?"

"I can not deny that the experience would be…merit worthy."

"Of course, I suppose the question would be, what are your feelings towards your captain? Do you return them, or will you merely give him the cold shoulder?"

Spock remained silent for a moment, pondering the question, but once he had come to his answer he looked at the other with confidence.

"I believe I do care deeply for my captain. Perhaps it is not love, but I do believe it could develop into such an emotion. I will consider my captains feelings." He stood, as did his older counterpart. "Thank you."

Selek smiled.

"Curiosity is not a bad thing, neither are emotions. You must just learn when it is appropriate to allow emotions to rule."

Spock lifted his hands in the Vulcan salute.

"Live long and prosper Ambassadore Selek."

Selek smiled, rising his own hand.

"I have already done so."

Spock clapsed his hands behind his back as he was escorted towards the door.

"I do believe I will be returning, I am curious to know more about you and your captain, if you will permit me."

"You are always welcome."

"And I am sure I will also return with my captain, I know he would like to see you, despite the fact he still is unaware of my knowledge of your existence."

Selek froze in the open door, the other standing slightly on the front step.

"You did not tell him?"

Spock's lips tightened slightly.

"I permitted the subject to slip my mind."

Selek shook his head, lips upturned slightly. "Good day Ambassador."

"Good day Spock."

**Authors Note: Yay! Finally finished this! Woot. Well that is the end of the melf. Okay! Thank you for reading.**


End file.
